Maybe a little bit worried
As the days get shorter, colder and damper, I do find myself beginning to worry about ice, and slipping and falling. Do I have good enough boots to make it through the season? Is it sane, or feasible, to carry salt in my pockets to make a path as I walk?
To all of the property owners out there, from all of the pedestrian, um, in here I guess, I beg and plead of you, shovel your fucking walk. In fact, even though we have had no snow yet in the glorious, glamorous city by the Lake, go out and practice. Get your back into it. You call that shovelling? You shovel like a like a girl from the 50s. You know, when you could still say something like that and not have a girl kick your ass for it.
Geez, ok, you are too puny and weak to shovel. I get it, and you are too poor to buy a snow-blower, that's fine. Or too cheap, either way. Then hire one of those kids that roam residential streets in gangs, shovels shouldered like rifles, ready to take on the onerous task of clearing you property at very reasonable prices.
Remember, every day you leave the snow and ice to build up is another day you are just waiting to be sued.
This has been a public service announcement on behalf of the handful of people in this country that still use their legs for something other than a place to keep their pants.
To all of the property owners out there, from all of the pedestrian, um, in here I guess, I beg and plead of you, shovel your fucking walk. In fact, even though we have had no snow yet in the glorious, glamorous city by the Lake, go out and practice. Get your back into it. You call that shovelling? You shovel like a like a girl from the 50s. You know, when you could still say something like that and not have a girl kick your ass for it.
Geez, ok, you are too puny and weak to shovel. I get it, and you are too poor to buy a snow-blower, that's fine. Or too cheap, either way. Then hire one of those kids that roam residential streets in gangs, shovels shouldered like rifles, ready to take on the onerous task of clearing you property at very reasonable prices.
Remember, every day you leave the snow and ice to build up is another day you are just waiting to be sued.
This has been a public service announcement on behalf of the handful of people in this country that still use their legs for something other than a place to keep their pants.
posted by misreall at 11:45 AM
1 Comments:
As a homeowner, I resent your assertions that I am a sissy. It may be true, but I much prefer to think that the reason the snow might lie there for a bit too long before shoveling is the result of good old American patriotic laziness.
I think what you need is a salt dispensing hat. Much like a beer dispensing hat, only much saltier.
(Wait, I don't have sidewalks. Haha! I'm immune to your ranting!)
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