Reason #253 Why I Need to Live in Antarctica
I swear I seriously need to stop dealing with people on the internet. Online games are often bad enough, but witnessing how people behave and think from inside the relative anonymity of online forums is starting to get me down. Something Awful isn't kidding: The internet makes you stupid. It also makes you petty and a bad spellar, and it's personally making me depressed. Even in an everyday "Wow, the administration really screwed this up" thread where the majority of people Repubs and Dems alike can use the heat from two brain cells rubbing together to form the volatile thought that, yeah, "that" was pretty dumb, there will immediately spawn a troll for every thoughtful poster, and a squad of idiots with no thought of their own parroting the exact same straw man argument from that morning's Rush L. show. And the one thing that is abundantly clear is that it's the latter idiots who control the country.
But let's be non-partisan here. Let's talk about the assholes (mainly) to The Left of us, something that they can attack and agree with with a righteous fury. To wit:
" U.S. Surgeon General Richard H. Carmona today issued a comprehensive scientific report which concludes that there is no risk-free level of exposure to secondhand smoke."
This news was greeted on at least one message board with a resounding, "I knew it! You fucking smokers are trying to kill us all, you fucking animals. You should all be put in zoos, prisons, and desert islands where you can no longer kill our babies!" Just tons of posters gleefully exclamation-pointing out that smokers are thoughtless idiots (guilty on the latter, at least) with no idea of the sheer malice attached to their addiction. This is, honestly, a mild exagerration.
But, Jesus Christ, are you kidding me? "No risk-free level"? No shit there's no "risk-free level"! There's no "risk-free" level to anything, you friggin' idiots, and I'm not even talking about stray meteors to the head! You're as likely to get cancer from walking next to passing cars, getting your oil changed, drinking anything other than 100% perfectly filtered water, doing any kind of home repair, cleaning, cooking, or a 1,000 other things than getting assaulted by my 1-part-in-a-billion secondhand smoke from 20 yards away. If you work in the cigar testing room of Cigar Corp., then yeah, you're probably going to get fucked in some way, but, you know, that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about people who are pissed that people might smoke a cigarette anywhere in line-of-sight of them, literally equating them with murderers (sounds less goofy than manslaughterers, which is what most of them really mean).
People still have this idiotic concept that cancer is this new thing, a punishment for an industrialized society and apparently and especially smokers, never wondering, I guess, why we have a constellation named after it, from the same root, because when some Greek guy pulled out a cancerous mass out of some guy a few thousand years ago he thought it looked like a crab.
You goddamn pussies. Stop it with this crap and just outlaw smoking. Call a war on second-hand smoke, start handing out fines and prison sentences for repeat offenders, and give yourselves something with a more permanent feel to it to be righteous about. You probably have enough support to do it, so just do it.
I want to quit smoking, most hours of the day, but I'll be damned if society is helping me do it.
(Woke up on the wrong side of my head today. Sorry.)
But let's be non-partisan here. Let's talk about the assholes (mainly) to The Left of us, something that they can attack and agree with with a righteous fury. To wit:
" U.S. Surgeon General Richard H. Carmona today issued a comprehensive scientific report which concludes that there is no risk-free level of exposure to secondhand smoke."
This news was greeted on at least one message board with a resounding, "I knew it! You fucking smokers are trying to kill us all, you fucking animals. You should all be put in zoos, prisons, and desert islands where you can no longer kill our babies!" Just tons of posters gleefully exclamation-pointing out that smokers are thoughtless idiots (guilty on the latter, at least) with no idea of the sheer malice attached to their addiction. This is, honestly, a mild exagerration.
But, Jesus Christ, are you kidding me? "No risk-free level"? No shit there's no "risk-free level"! There's no "risk-free" level to anything, you friggin' idiots, and I'm not even talking about stray meteors to the head! You're as likely to get cancer from walking next to passing cars, getting your oil changed, drinking anything other than 100% perfectly filtered water, doing any kind of home repair, cleaning, cooking, or a 1,000 other things than getting assaulted by my 1-part-in-a-billion secondhand smoke from 20 yards away. If you work in the cigar testing room of Cigar Corp., then yeah, you're probably going to get fucked in some way, but, you know, that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about people who are pissed that people might smoke a cigarette anywhere in line-of-sight of them, literally equating them with murderers (sounds less goofy than manslaughterers, which is what most of them really mean).
People still have this idiotic concept that cancer is this new thing, a punishment for an industrialized society and apparently and especially smokers, never wondering, I guess, why we have a constellation named after it, from the same root, because when some Greek guy pulled out a cancerous mass out of some guy a few thousand years ago he thought it looked like a crab.
You goddamn pussies. Stop it with this crap and just outlaw smoking. Call a war on second-hand smoke, start handing out fines and prison sentences for repeat offenders, and give yourselves something with a more permanent feel to it to be righteous about. You probably have enough support to do it, so just do it.
I want to quit smoking, most hours of the day, but I'll be damned if society is helping me do it.
(Woke up on the wrong side of my head today. Sorry.)
posted by Greg at 6:53 AM
3 Comments:
Hmmmm. Yes. People suck.
This is one of those things that I would have thought would have reached a cap, my low view of my fellow man, but almost everyday, usually on the el, but sometimes when I am getting a coffee, or just taking a walk, I will see or hear something that will make me bugfuck crazy. The internet is just a way of experiencing all of these behaviors without leaving your home.
Case in point. There is a very nice interview with Anthony Bourdain on Salon. I love Bourdain, not only is he singularly fine writer, but is funny as hell, a great cook and I pretty much agree with his taste and world view (catholic and jaded).
Tony hates vegans. He considers them joykilling, superior bastards who scorn one of the human races greatest achievements, cooking. And, even though the interview barely brushed a swallows wing against that fact who was it who wrote in, calling foul? The vegans. They went apeshit all over Salon for even having the interview. And, yes, I jumped into the fray, (stupid, stupid me) because one of them said something like "well, would you like him if he were a racist or a homophobe?" And then, that person, couldn't figure out why I would object.
Why would I object? Why wouldn't comparing someone choosing not to eat animal products and someone who is born black or gay or anything that A FUCKING PERSON CAN ACTUALLY BE BORN MAKE FUCKING SENSE?
hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehateeveryone.
Haha.
I understand that smoking is dumb and destructive, and understand that I don't have the willpower to use them in moderation. (Does anyone actually believe that 2 or 3 cigs a day is a serious health risk?) As such, I have never tried to get someone to take up smoking. I can argue that there are some cool things about smoking, but I think I've only done so to other smokers or people who've asked me point blank (and that's usually prefaced with "I know it's stupid, but...").
As much great respect I have for vegetarians/vegans who go about that lifestyle without rubbing it in my face, I would not even have that great respect for them if it wasn't for the fucking mouthbreathing veggieheads who:
1) Point out they're vegetarians constantly, even when food has nothing to do with the situation at hand.
2) Point out that meat is SO unhealthy and cruel and (Haha! You're a moron!) unnatural.
3) Look at my tasty sammich and make a scrunchy face of clear disgust.
4) Especially do any of the above looking like pallid cancer victims in training because they clearly have no idea how to practice the lifestyle they're so proud of.
Let's talk about more pleasant people, though. How about those really vocal yet persecuted Christians I've seen so much on the news? They clean up nice!
Oh, man, I just got a call from one of them who wants me to buy her self-published childrens book.
I think I persecuted her for her beliefs. God is going to be really angry with me.
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