Thursday, February 23, 2006

While we're on the subject of Crazy

It's 8:20, I'm freakin' tired from all the Snooze-button abuse this morning, and not only did I have to make copies for a 3-hour class in half an hour but had to replace the dry ink cartridge first, which involved finding the right Sumerian jar that held the instructions, taking it into the clean room, brushing up on my Sumerian, calling some Free Masons to hang around in case their was trouble, learning that the instructions merely said, "Rip the decayed [intelligible] goat fornicator, pressing wildly betwixt [word meaning either "thighs" or "exquisite follicle"] and sit on the throne of triumph!" which wasn't as helpful as you might think, and finally just using a large hammer and a tub of Vaseline (which, oddly, was a lot like last Friday night... er, never mind).

Sitting in my office, then. Someone comes by my office and says, "Jennifer is here to see you."

Long story short: Huh?

Here's someone who's under the insane impression that we've made an appointment to talk about some function in MS Word or other at 8:30 in the morning. I say "insane," because I live my mornings by a handful of simple, yet very serious rules:

1) If I am denied coffee, I will make them pay. And by "them," I mean pretty much anyone who crosses my path. Children, puppies, fashion models, Ernest Borgnine, it doesn't matter--someone will have to answer for my misfortune. (I call this the "Tough but Fair" rule.)

2) Do not give me any task more complicated than brewing coffee. This, again, is more for the sake of others than myself. If I'm the one Tommy Lee Jones has to, in his firm and confident way, talk through the disarming of a nuclear device and I woke up an hour ago, you're all screwed. Sorry, but you should have known better.

3) No meetings before 9. The first hour of work is for drinking coffee, staring blankly into some dim and hazy future of the day, and performing my morning slumping exercises.

The community-at-large is so very lucky I wasn't out of coffee this morning, because, you know, things *burn*.

2 Comments:

Blogger samiam said...

You never even told us if you met with Jennifer? Was she a super model?

Finish the damn story man!

7:40 AM  
Blogger Greg said...

I rescheduled, natch.

7:55 AM  

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